Money can be a tool of empowerment—or a weapon of control. In many relationships, financial abuse lurks beneath the surface, quietly eroding autonomy and self-worth. Unlike physical violence, this insidious form of abuse often goes unnoticed, yet it leaves emotional scars that can take years to heal. Financial manipulation is not always overt, making it all the more dangerous, particularly when it masquerades as concern, care, or responsibility.
Recognizing financial abuse requires a trained eye and critical self-reflection. Whether it’s a partner controlling every dollar spent, sabotaging your professional growth, or limiting access to bank accounts, the signs are often veiled behind a façade of practicality. As Dr. Judith Herman, a pioneer in trauma studies, notes in her book Trauma and Recovery, “The perpetrator of abuse often seeks to dominate every aspect of the victim’s life, including economic control.” Financial abuse can trap victims in toxic relationships, leaving them dependent and fearful of the consequences of breaking free.
This blog post aims to peel back the layers of financial abuse and illuminate the warning signs that often precede more obvious forms of coercion. From restricting access to funds to interfering with career progress, each behavior reveals an attempt to gain the upper hand. Drawing on expert insights, psychological research, and sociological theory, we’ll explore these patterns in depth—because awareness is the first step to reclaiming your power.
1 – Limited access to funds
One of the most telling signs of financial abuse is being denied independent access to money. This tactic is used to strip away a person’s ability to make autonomous decisions. A partner may withhold bank cards, deny cash for basic needs, or manage all household finances under the guise of being “more responsible.” This creates a dependency loop where the abused partner must constantly seek permission, gradually eroding their sense of agency.
As noted by Lundy Bancroft in Why Does He Do That?, financial control is a hallmark of abusive behavior, aimed not at helping but at dominating. Victims often internalize feelings of inadequacy, believing they are incapable of managing money. This psychological manipulation ensures that leaving the relationship becomes not only emotionally difficult but financially unfeasible.
2 – Controlling spending
Financial abusers often set arbitrary limits on their partner’s spending—even when both individuals earn income. They may demand detailed explanations for purchases or dictate what qualifies as a “necessary” expense. This policing is less about budgeting and more about asserting dominance.
Such behavior undermines trust and fuels resentment. According to Dr. Evan Stark, who coined the term “coercive control,” such tactics are designed to “micro-regulate” a partner’s life. This level of scrutiny sends a clear message: you’re not trusted to make your own financial decisions, and your independence must be suppressed.
3 – Credit score
An abuser may deliberately damage a partner’s credit score to prevent them from achieving financial freedom. They might take out loans in their partner’s name, fail to pay shared debts, or withhold critical financial information that leads to missed payments. Over time, this financial sabotage can make it impossible to secure housing, loans, or even employment.
This erosion of creditworthiness is often intentional. As cited in The Coercive Control of Women by Charlotte Bunch, economic entrapment is a form of gender-based violence. A poor credit score becomes a leash, keeping the victim tethered to the abuser and cutting off escape routes.
4 – Overdraft on a shared account
Repeatedly overdrawing a joint account is not just a financial inconvenience—it’s a red flag. Whether done impulsively or deliberately, it creates financial instability and can lead to distrust, debt, and even legal complications. It sends the message that one partner’s financial priorities take precedence over mutual responsibility.
When this behavior is chronic, it becomes a power move. As Dr. Elizabeth Schneider points out in Battered Women and Feminist Lawmaking, shared financial spaces should be based on trust and equity. Overdrawing an account without communication sabotages that foundation and signals a disregard for the partner’s wellbeing.
5 – Defensiveness
If financial discussions frequently trigger defensiveness, it may indicate manipulation. A financially abusive partner often reacts with anger, gaslighting, or guilt-tripping when asked about shared expenses or budgets. This reaction serves to shut down inquiries and discourage open dialogue.
Such defensiveness is a smokescreen. It shifts focus from the abuser’s behavior to the victim’s supposed “accusations.” As sociologist Dr. Michael Johnson explains in his research on intimate partner violence, emotional volatility is a control mechanism used to silence opposition and preserve power imbalances.
6 – Intervention at work
A financial abuser may interfere with your employment in subtle or overt ways—showing up uninvited, creating drama, or pressuring you to leave early. These disruptions are not accidental. They’re carefully crafted to destabilize your income stream and make you more reliant on the abuser.
Over time, this interference chips away at your professional reputation and financial independence. Dr. Angela Browne-Miller, in Violence and Abuse in Society, emphasizes that economic abuse is often paired with professional sabotage to isolate the victim and limit their options for escape.
7 – Limitations
When a partner begins to impose limitations on what you can buy, where you can work, or how you manage your finances, it’s more than just boundary-setting—it’s control. These restrictions are rarely mutual; instead, they reinforce the abuser’s authority while diminishing yours.
Often cloaked as “concern” or “guidance,” these limitations subtly reinforce the narrative that you are incapable of handling your own financial matters. As scholar bell hooks writes in All About Love, genuine love does not seek to control but to empower. Limitations that stifle autonomy are antithetical to healthy partnership.
8 – Financial infidelity
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner lies or withholds information about money. This might involve secret bank accounts, hidden debts, or undisclosed purchases. It’s a breach of trust that, like romantic infidelity, erodes the foundation of the relationship.
The betrayal is twofold: emotional and financial. According to Dr. Deborah L. Price in Money Magic, transparency is critical in financially intimate relationships. When that transparency is violated, it opens the door to deception and economic manipulation.
9 – Extravagance
An abuser may paradoxically exhibit lavish spending habits—buying expensive items for themselves while restricting your spending. This imbalance is not simply selfishness; it’s a demonstration of who holds the purse strings.
This kind of extravagance reinforces financial disparity within the relationship. As author Barbara Ehrenreich explores in Nickel and Dimed, economic inequality—especially within personal relationships—can become a form of social dominance, used to assert superiority and maintain control.
10 – Money talk always leads to a fight
If every financial conversation spirals into conflict, it may be a strategic move to avoid accountability. Abusers often use anger or emotional manipulation to derail discussions and silence valid concerns.
As Dr. Harriet Lerner points out in The Dance of Anger, conflict avoidance or escalation is a common tactic used to maintain control in unequal relationships. When financial dialogue becomes a battleground, transparency and mutual respect are inevitably lost.
11 – Suggesting you quit your job
A common red flag in financially abusive relationships is a partner suggesting—or insisting—you leave your job. This move is often framed as “supportive,” but its underlying goal is to cut off your income and make you dependent.
Once economic independence is gone, so is a crucial line of defense. According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, financial dependence is one of the top reasons victims remain in abusive relationships. The suggestion to quit a job must be viewed through the lens of power and intent.
12 – Hiding bills
When one partner conceals bills, it creates a false sense of security while obscuring the actual financial situation. This secrecy leads to surprise debts, missed payments, and damaged credit—all without the victim’s knowledge.
This behavior not only jeopardizes your financial health but also erodes trust. Financial expert Suze Orman emphasizes in Women & Money that openness is key to financial empowerment. Hidden bills are often the first step toward financial entrapment.
13 – Belittling
Demeaning comments about your financial knowledge, spending habits, or income can be emotionally and psychologically damaging. This tactic is designed to shake your confidence and establish financial superiority.
Repeated belittling creates a mental environment where the victim begins to doubt their own capabilities. As Brené Brown explores in Daring Greatly, shame is a powerful silencer. Belittling serves to shut down dialogue and reinforce dependency.
14 – Intimacy
Withholding or using intimacy as leverage can be linked to financial abuse, especially when it coincides with demands for financial compliance. If affection is conditional upon financial behavior, it becomes a transactional form of manipulation.
This coercion undermines the emotional core of a relationship. Scholar Patricia Hill Collins, in Black Feminist Thought, underscores how intersections of power—including financial and sexual—can be weaponized to control marginalized partners in intimate settings.
15 – Stealing
Yes, even within a relationship, stealing is stealing. If a partner takes money, credit cards, or property without permission, it’s a breach of both trust and legality.
Legal expert Leslie Morgan Steiner, in Crazy Love, argues that love should never serve as an excuse for theft. Stealing blurs the lines between intimacy and exploitation and reveals a deeply rooted disregard for boundaries.
16 – Selling things without permission
Selling your belongings without consent is not only disrespectful—it’s a form of economic erasure. Whether it’s a sentimental heirloom or a work tool, this act signals that your ownership and agency don’t matter.
According to psychologist Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing, covert aggression often involves violating others’ rights while maintaining plausible deniability. Selling your property without your knowledge is a prime example of this manipulation.
17 – Dismissing educational aspirations
Discouraging or outright rejecting your plans for further education is a form of sabotage. Education opens doors—economic, personal, and social. Preventing it ensures the victim stays limited in earning potential and self-growth.
As Paulo Freire wrote in Pedagogy of the Oppressed, education is the practice of freedom. Financial abusers know this, which is why they often try to keep their partners in a state of intellectual and economic immobility.
18 – Making you late for work
Making you consistently late—whether through distractions, guilt-trips, or logistical manipulation—is another subtle but potent way to sabotage your career. This affects not only income but also long-term professional growth.
This kind of disruption is a strategic move. It erodes your reputation with employers and may result in job loss, further deepening dependency on the abuser. It’s a slow-burning form of professional strangulation.
19 – Dependency
An abuser may intentionally structure the relationship so that you are entirely dependent on them financially. This may involve discouraging work, controlling income, or making major decisions without your input.
Dr. Lenore Walker, in The Battered Woman Syndrome, highlights how economic dependency is used to entrap victims. Without financial options, the choice to leave becomes a privilege instead of a right.
20 – Demanding receipts
Requiring receipts for every purchase—especially minor ones—can seem like oversight but is usually about control. It positions the victim as someone who must constantly justify their decisions.
This demand communicates mistrust and sets up a parent-child dynamic. As financial therapist Amanda Clayman says, “True financial partnership is built on transparency, not surveillance.”
21 – Forcing you to ask permission
Requiring you to ask for money—even for basic necessities—is a hallmark of financial abuse. This dynamic reinforces a power imbalance where one partner becomes the gatekeeper of resources, and the other is infantilized and disempowered.
This tactic is deeply dehumanizing. As Dr. Martha Fineman notes in The Autonomy Myth, true autonomy is impossible without access to resources. Being forced to seek permission diminishes personal freedom and undermines adult agency in the relationship.
22 – Withholding necessities
Denying access to essential items—such as food, medications, hygiene products, or transportation—creates an environment of scarcity and fear. This form of control goes beyond budgeting; it’s about punishing and manipulating through deprivation.
Psychologically, this mirrors the coercive dynamics seen in hostage situations. According to trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk in The Body Keeps the Score, the absence of basic safety triggers deep survival responses, making victims more compliant and less likely to resist or flee.
23 – Making huge decisions
When a partner unilaterally makes large financial decisions—such as buying property, taking out loans, or investing without your input—it signals a disregard for shared responsibility and mutual respect.
These actions not only endanger joint financial stability but also isolate the victim from key aspects of life planning. Sociologist Arlie Hochschild, in her research on emotional labor, stresses that equitable relationships rely on shared decision-making. Financial autonomy must be mutual, not monopolized.
24 – Refusing access to a joint account
If your name is on the account, but you can’t access the funds, that’s more than a technical glitch—it’s a control tactic. Restricting access to shared money denies one partner full participation in the relationship’s financial life.
This behavior breeds secrecy and dependence. As financial counselor Shannon Thomas explains in Healing from Hidden Abuse, economic transparency is a core element of healthy relationships. Gatekeeping funds creates an environment ripe for exploitation.
25 – Private account
While privacy in finances is acceptable in certain contexts, secrecy is another matter entirely. When one partner maintains a private account and hides its existence or contents, it’s a red flag—especially if it’s used to evade joint financial responsibility.
Secrecy around money often signals deeper trust issues. As Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, notes, “Financial secrecy can be as damaging to relationships as infidelity.” Transparency fosters trust; hiding assets breeds suspicion and control.
26 – Damaging your belongings
Destroying or damaging personal items—especially those of financial value—is both a psychological and economic assault. This behavior sends a message: what’s yours is disposable, and your boundaries can be violated.
This act often precedes or accompanies other forms of abuse. In No Visible Bruises by Rachel Louise Snyder, experts reveal how abusers target not only people but their possessions to assert dominance and induce emotional instability.
27 – Distracting you at work
Whether it’s constant texts, unexpected visits, or emotional manipulation, these distractions are not coincidental—they’re deliberate attempts to derail your focus and jeopardize your job performance.
Workplace interference reduces your earning capacity and professional credibility. According to Dr. Judith Herman, workplace sabotage is one of the lesser-known but deeply effective strategies of coercive control. It ensures the abuser remains the primary provider—and controller.
28 – Withholding information
Failing to share essential financial details—such as account passwords, debts, or bill due dates—is a form of deception. This keeps the abused partner in the dark and prevents them from making informed decisions.
Information asymmetry is a subtle yet powerful control tactic. In Power and Control, Evan Stark emphasizes that secrecy in intimate relationships is not just deceitful—it’s strategically disempowering. It creates a dependent dynamic where the victim must rely on the abuser for clarity and access.
29 – Obtaining credit in your name
Using your identity to open lines of credit or take loans without your consent is both fraudulent and deeply abusive. It can ruin your credit, damage your financial future, and even entangle you in legal battles.
This is identity theft within a personal relationship, often dismissed or overlooked because of intimacy. Legal expert Dr. Leigh Goodmark, in A Troubled Marriage, argues that the law often fails to protect victims of financial abuse, especially when it intersects with emotional manipulation.
30 – Refusing to pay bills
A partner who consistently refuses to contribute to household bills—or who racks up debts and leaves you to deal with them—is financially exploiting the relationship. This behavior is especially manipulative when the partner has the means but chooses not to contribute.
It’s a form of passive-aggressive control, forcing the other person to overcompensate or face financial penalties. According to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, this type of abuse disproportionately affects women, leaving them to shoulder economic burdens alone while diminishing their long-term security.
Conclusion
Financial abuse is a silent predator—it doesn’t leave bruises, but it does leave lasting scars. Often hidden behind smiles, joint bank accounts, and household routines, it strips individuals of autonomy, confidence, and the means to escape. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward breaking the cycle.
As the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg once said, “Women belong in all places where decisions are being made.” That includes financial decisions within a relationship. Whether you’ve spotted one sign or several, understanding these patterns equips you—or someone you love—with the power to take action. For those seeking deeper understanding, books like Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft and The Coercive Control of Women by Charlotte Bunch offer crucial insight. Financial freedom is not a privilege—it’s a right. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
By Amjad Izhar
Contact: amjad.izhar@gmail.com
https://amjadizhar.blog
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